DFL dog shit on my porch
So picture this scene; it's Saturday morning at the Eberly Mansion. I'm taking it easy, surfing the net and checking out the new patio we had installed yesterday. I'm still in my bathrobe.
Suddenly the doorbell rings, piercing my quiet morning. I go to the door, still in my white Ralph Lauren bathrobe, and there stands some young douchebag with an arm full of literature and a clipboard.
DoucheBag: "Hi, I'm from the DFL Party."
BB: "Are you fucking Kidding me? Get the fuck off my Porch!"
DFL DB: "What?"
BB: "Get the Fuck off of my porch"
DFL DB: "You don't have to be so mean"
BB: "I'm not going to give you any money so that you can raise my fucking taxes"
DFL DB: "I'm not asking for money. Is Tracy here?"
Even more pissed than before BB: "I am Tracy you Fuctard now get the fuck off my property"
DFL DB: "You don't have to be a Jerk"
BB "Fuck You!"
DFL Douche Bag leaves and stops at the walk to make notes and give me dirty looks. I flick him off.
The LME is afraid that these young DFL terrorists will come back and vandalize the house when I tell them to fuck off. She also reminds me to tell them that we have guns. (I can't believe I forgot to mention that!)
I admit that my initial response was pure reaction. The Fucking MN DFL is standing on my front porch asking for money (or something). But given my intial reactions, why the fuck didn't the moron just leave? Dale Carnegie and Harvey Mackay combined couldn't have turned this into a sale.
Second question, how do I impress upon people not to solicit me for anything? I really hate it when strangers ring my doorbell. It is never a pleasant surprise.
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written by Kermit , July 24, 2010
Sooo, you won't be voting for Mark Dayton. He needs you to be specific, because between the two of us, Mark isn't very bright (if you know what I mean).
written by Jim ross , July 24, 2010
Have you invested in a no solicitation sticker for your door yet? It saves you thousands of dollars in donations to school fund raisers, political parties and black gospel choirs.
written by Sequel , July 24, 2010
If a black gospel choir came to my door, I'd kick em down a few bucks if they'd sing.
written by tim-The Dyslexic Blogger , July 24, 2010
no solicitation stickers seem to have no power over political hacks they just knock or ring anyway. Ive had them at my door too and they just look dumb when you explain to them that what they are doing is solicitation. The funnest time I had with a polly hack was the night I had gone out to the range. I was sitting on the front porch cleaning my flint lock rifle. You should have seen the kid turn green when i started putting the rifle back together while explaining to him that he needed to remove himself from my porch. This was back when they were doing the concealed carry law. I got the impression that the kid was rather anti-gun he kept mumbling something about me putting the gun down while he was talking to me I reminded him he was the one interrupting what I was doing. We seem to have a batch of them around now that think they can just interrupt what ever your doing.
written by Jim W , July 24, 2010
One time, someone tried to debate me over a no solicitiation sign. THey actually said "I'm no solicitor. Solicitation is what a prostitute does." It was at that point I had to chuckle my ever loving ass off and go back to my customers. I was running a business at the time with a line of customers and it wasn't the most prudent move to debate this dullard over semantics.
written by Kermit , July 24, 2010
Oh come on. They aren't trying to sell you something. They are just trying to influence your point of view.
I'm surprised they even stopped at Bart's house. They have comprehensive lists. We got two political mailers today, one from congenital idiot Mark Dayton and one from Moby Keliher. They were both addressed to my wife. We both got a kick out of that.
written by Jim ross , July 24, 2010
They are assholes. But if someone ever called me a Fucktard, I'd come back and shit on their porch.
written by Fred , July 25, 2010
I'm sorry, but you were being an asshole. You could have handled that with more tact and you would have come out ahead. A white RL bathrobe?? What a metrosexual LOL.
written by Kermit , July 25, 2010
Bart is a proud and unashamed asshole. He's an American, it's his right. You should see him in his Tommy Bahama shirt. Sequel gets "urges".
written by Barthélemy Barbancourt , July 25, 2010
I could have handled it differently. The next time I will invite them in and tell them to sit down while I fetch the checkbook. I'll then return with my S&W 9mm and then ask them why the fuck they thought bugging me was such a good idea.
Actually, I am thinking of keeping the S&W by the front door and just grabbing it anytime a stranger is ringing the bell. I figure that will send the right message right away. Me, pisssed off, with a weapon should make them get to the point and get the fuck off my porch ASAP.
Fred, just how would I have come out ahead? The fucktard was begging for people I despise. He was wasting my valuable time and trespassing on my property. The quicker he is off my porch and out of my life, the better. There is no win possible, only a minimization of the lost time spend with a DFL droid.
There is no reason to debate him as anyone begging for the DFL is far to fucking stupid to have any independent thoughts of their own.
I equate my interaction with the DFL DB as similar to stepping in dog shit. The sooner the shit is gone, the sooner you can forget the unfortunate incident.
written by Kermit , July 25, 2010
Man, I bet the Jehovah's Witnesses have Bart's address on their "don't knock list".
Go ahead, make my day.
written by Barthélemy Barbancourt , July 25, 2010
There is an LDS church a few blocks from the Mansion, so I often cross paths with the guys when I'm walking Fang. I usually talk to them and tell them I have been to SLC and I have a few LDS friends. I know what they are doing and why and it really doesn't bug me. I like having them walking the streets of my neighborhood as it cuts down on crime.
But then again, the Mormons are Christians and the DFL guy most likely worships Al Franken.
written by Kermit , July 25, 2010
Yeah, I like the Mormans too. Even though the EEEvil Glenn Beck is one. I also backed Mitt Romney in '08. The LDS isn't any worse than the ELCA now. At least they don't ordain non celibate homosexuals.
written by Hans , July 25, 2010
You could have ax him for money instead or told him you had a second bathrobe!!
written by Elmer , July 25, 2010
When people come to my door (even Jehovah's Witlesses)I just quietly and firmly say "No, I'm not interested". If that doesn't work, I say "please leave" and close the door. Abusive language will possibly lead to a nighttime reprisal with dog shit, and your own blood pressure and pulse galloping. It ain't worth it. And if it's a young woman or a child you're abusive to, there might be legal problems. For Chrissakes don't brandish a gun unless you want to answer a lot of questions from a cop.
I thought conservatives were supposed to rely on civility rather than the courts or legislatures. Wrong?
written by Kermit , July 25, 2010
Um, I think the talk of brandishing guns was just a bit of hyperbole.
written by Jim ross , July 25, 2010
Why do I get the feeling that Bart has a man dressed in leather named the Gimp chained in the basement?
Why do I also have the feeling that if I ever knock on Bart's door asking for DFL donations, I will end up in the woods and hear the phrase "SQUEAL LIKE PIIIIIIGGGGGGG!!!!!!!" shortly after?
written by Nobody , July 25, 2010
There are things we think of doing, would kinda like to do, that as an adult with a bit of rationality, we don't do. I personaly would love to chase down the street after the random door-knocker fireing random shots, shouting epithets. But I haven't yet. But the thought did cross my mind with a Moveon.org creep.
written by Jim W , July 25, 2010
actually, JR's comment is almost spot on. I can see Bart having a "gimp" hiding in a closet or something. Lord knows he's got the gimp suit somewhere...
THe only thing JR is wrong on is that it's actually Sequel and Brent that are into that "out in the woods" thing. Sequel has a special log for that sort of thing... he calls it Enis.
written by Kermit , July 25, 2010
Aw shoot. Here I thought it was the LME that got to dress in black leather. I guess tha's just my fantasy. We all know she has a riding crop...
written by Harlan , July 26, 2010
We have a sign on the door that says, No Canvassers, No Solicitors, No Exceptions. We've had one douchebag knock on the door in the last 3 years - from Clean Water Action...I asked him why the fuck would I give money to an organization that recruits the illiterate? Now get the fuck off my porch...
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